The best blog post since the last blog post

I love being a critic. It comes naturally to me, as I have a sarcastic wit, am sceptical and cynical, and really enjoy the opportunity to mock.

All this comes to the fore when I watch television commercials. They tend to make preposterous claims, or they present the most obvious facts as if they were ground breaking revelations, or they make the most inane statements as if they were profound.

Example 1 - Use our shampoo for healthy looking hair. It won't really be healthy, but you'll be able to fool everyone into thinking that you are omega 3-yoga-girl, even though you never look at a vegetable, you smoke like a chimney and have been perming since ninth grade...because you use our shampoo for healthy looking hair.

Example 2 - This year's Juno. Juno came out last year, was an ok movie but certainly did not shake up the world of cinema; do we need another Juno? Perhaps the original Juno was its year's Juno because it was unique, told its own story and wasn't trying to be the previous year's whatever.

Example 3 - In the same vein: the best medical series since House. Hmmm...isn't House the most recent medical drama on tv? If this is merely the next one to come along, is it fair to say it's the best? (Howsabout telling the truth: this is the best we could do, and don't know what else to say about it. We're pretty thrilled we managed to fill the time slot...won't you join us, Wednesdays at 10? Please? Our sponsors will pull their ad budget if we can't draw the viewers.) This is a joke that has legs. I'm sure my sister and I will eat breakfast tomorrow morning saying things like: this is the best bowl of cheerios I've had since yesterday (in serious, yet ridiculously dramatic anouncer-man voice). This is the best cup of coffee since the last cup of coffee!

Example 4 - An allergy medication advises the viewer to get further details in a particular magazine. They neglect to tell you to bring a camp stool and some coffee as you read the ad in the magazine at your local bookstore, cause the ad covers several pages in very small print, mostly blathering on about how using this medication could result in many horrible things. If it's a med to prevent depression, guarenteed one of the possible side effects will be depression.

Example 5 - Yet another medication advertisement informs the viewer that results wont be evident for one or two weeks. So, you know, if you're going to be allergic to a cat (or have a migraine...don't remember what the med was for) two weeks from now, better pop the pill now!

Example 6 - CLR can remove biohazardous stains from your coffee maker just by swishing around inside it for a second or two. Do not ever use this coffee pot again! CLR is obviously what is used to clean up after oil spills!And those people in the cleaning product ads should be ashamed of themselves for letting the situation get so out of control! And, as if someone who lives in a house that dirty is going to decide to clean it all in chinos and a button down, with a smile on their face! I don't buy it!

Many more examples, but I'm afraid to think about it anymore; I'm losing brain cells just writing about all this.