The Lighthouse

the lighthouse

14 January 2010

Me, myself and I

Are you ever disappointed by you? You've probably been disappointed by other people along the way, but has it ever happened that the person who let you down was... you?

I have. More than once, as it happens, and just recently in fact. I had the opportunity to be a fine and noble person, and I almost managed it too, but then a loathsome creature came slithering into my heart and spoiled the fine and noble moment with less fine and noble qualities.

I don't want to give details, as they belong between me and my confessor (once I find him) and are not something I want to share with the world at large -- not even you, dear Reader, much as I love you. Suffice it to say that a little piece of me I thought had been refined over the past while is still a rough and crude bit that continues to need working on. Bother.

Can we ever stand before a reflection of ourselves with complaisance? Or is it normal that there be elements of ourselves that cause us to squirm and wiggle away from the image? Truth lies in the middle, I think: it's important we not see ourselves as in a fun-house mirror -- all distorted, out-sized, misshapen and grotesque; and it's also important to not take the Dorian Gray route of outwardly presenting a perfect image while hiding our faults in a dark closet. It's a tricky balance, to see ourselves as we really are, to identify our shortcomings, and yet love ourselves.

Shortly after the less than fine and noble incident I mentioned earlier, I realized what I had done and was able to laugh a little about it. I've become more gentle and forgiving when dealing with myself than I have in the past. That in itself is growth. Hooray for me! Proud of myself am I.

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