This is a public service announcement: Ladies, do not, never ever - no matter how good an idea it may seem at the time - try new products or techniques five minutes before you absolutely must be out the door.
I bought new eye shadow this week (it was on sale [warning alarm #1], and it was pretty). Nowhere did I see in large print - which would have been helpful - some sort of notice that it was a palette of cream eye shadow, not powder. Cream shadow (or blush, or foundation...) is a very different animal than powder make up. It requires different application implements, knowledge of different techniques, and an understanding of its unique pigment saturation.
Running a tad late this morning, my first mistake was in deciding to open the new package in the first place. Mistake #2 was in opting for a full eye, mascara and the works. As I also had quite a headache, deciding to add extra weight to already aching eyelids may not have been my brightest moment of the day. I noticed the little pots of colour looked unusually smooth (warning alarm #2), but it wasn't until my brush slid around on the surface (#3) that I realized what I had gotten myself into. Did I retreat? Act sensibly, wisely, rationally? No! Where's the fun in that? I charged ahead, applying colours normally only seen in goth clubs. Here, I had to make another decision: wipe the slate clean and still make it to Church on time, or forge ahead and try to make the best of a difficult situation. I opted for the latter, of course, which involved further application of some old stand-by powder shadows, hoping to 'correct' the plague-survivor effect I'd created. Only the powder reacted with the cream by ratcheting up the intensity by about 47%... the plague-survivor I resembled now hadn't slept in a week and recently got in a fight. Lovely.
Naturally at this point there was only one thing I could do. More mascara.
Dear Reader. Learn from my mistakes:
- do not buy unknown product on sale.
- don't fool yourself. Whatever you learned from Carmondy what's-her-name on that show, five minutes is not enough time. You'll make crucial mistakes, like giving yourself black mascara freckles across the bridge of your nose,and then when you try to remove them, you'll wipe holes in the carefully applied foundation. Disaster.
- get up the first time the alarm goes off (or at least the third) and save yourself the grief.