Why the hair industry sucks

This topic was suggested by my sister (who is known for the purposes of this blog by turns as JB, my sister, Mama Nut, Big Nut and whatever else strikes me in the moment). Fifteen minutes ago she flew out of the house, hopped in the car, and hied off to Schmoppers Drug Mart. Five minutes ago, she peeked in my room to share with me her latest hair woe: she had purchased a new contraption - a hair band - with super grippers on it (like those on the socks of wee children to prevent them from slipping on the floor) which are meant to keep the band from sliding over the hair and off the head.

(Background: her hair is growing out, and needs managing. The go-to solution of many women is a simple ponytail. But when JB works out, a lump on the back of her head can be uncomfortable. Hence the mad dash for an alternate)

She stood in my room, holding her herself delicately still, as if she was balancing volatile nitro glycerin on her head. We could both see the grip-equipped hair band begin to travel from its original location, before finally morphing into a ponytail holder at the back of her head, which, as she already has a stash of elastics, makes this new purchase redundant. Unless of course, it had actually performed as it was supposed to: staying wrapped from just back of the forehead to the nape of the neck, keeping her hair out of her face.

Why is it that toothpaste comes in 47 formulations, cough medicine is practically individually prepared to meet your specific symptoms, and ketchup is available in 14 different dispenser options, but when it comes to women's hair accessories, the selection is woefully limited? My sister and I come from a long line of thick-and-stubborn-haired people. Thick-and-stubborn hair has greatly different needs than thin-and-fine hair, or curly-and-wild hair, or perfect-and-annoying hair. One clip or elastic or bobby pin or hair band is not going to be the Fabulous Product each of those hair types is looking for.

The hair industry needs to get on board this issue, and offer accessories for all women. I just might start a movement - we'll march, and petition, and run impassioned fund-raisers on public television. I'll design a ribbon for our cause: a very large and sturdy hair band.